CFL WEEKLY PREDICTOR 2016: HOW WILL THE ROUGHRIDERS LOSE THIS WEEK?

Mr. Jamie Nye over at CFL.CA has his CFL predictions up and he’s going with all the smart and safe choices but one.  Here at Discombobulated, we eschew smart and safe predictions because smart and safe have no place in the Canadian Football League!  You want smart and safe?  I hear they got a football league down south.

MONTREAL ALOUETTES @ HAMILTON TIGER-CATS

If Rakeem Cato can manage to get through the game without punching one of his receivers, I’d say that’s about as much of a victory as the Alouettes can expect this week.

I’m hoping the Alouettes will run a Nik Lewis-based offense.  He’s a battering ram of a man who defies age, defenses and weight scales.  And I figure his pants are bound to fall off at least a couple of times.

I have nothing much to say about the Tiger-Cats since, like the Stampeders, they are largely a boring team that does nothing but play consistently competent professional football.  Do something stupid and give us something to talk about, guys.

PICK:  HAMILTON TIGER-CATS (100% NIK LEWIS)

TORONTO ARGONAUTS @ WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS

If this game was being played in Toronto, I’d go Bombers all the way.  At home, the Blue Bombers seem to freeze up in front of their own fans, as do the Argonauts at their home (that soccer stadium where the marketting plan seems to be limited to getting their fans drunk before the game).  I guess they’re shy.

With away-field advantage, the Toronto Argonauts will triumph!  And Drew Willy will be able to tell his new paymasters all of Winnipeg’s plays.

PICK:  TORONTO ARGONAUTS (2% MILK)

OTTAWA REDBLACKS @ CALGARY STAMPEDERS

Jamie Nye is going with the RedBlacks, albeit with the weird “20% Confidence” thing that I now understand has something to do with CFL PICK ‘EM.  This is the only mistake Mr. Nye makes this week.  Calgary is going to pound the RedBlacks so badly, we might get to see Henry Burris again near the end of the third quarter (followed by him being released after the game).  I’m hoping the Roughriders will pick him up just for nostalgia sake.  And I hear a bed just opened up at the Santa Maria Senior Citizens Home on Regina Avenue.  It’s right by the airport!

PICK:  CALGARY STAMPEDERS (100% UNSTOPPABLE)

EDMONTON ESKIMOS @ SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS

This is it folks.  Win number two coming up.  Here’s why.

First, the Roughriders play the Eskimos tough because Roughrider General Manager and Head Coach Dark Helmet knows the Eskimos pretty well, so he will tailor his game plan based upon that intimate knowledge.  Second, the Eskimos are coming off last week’s emotional kick-in-the-nuts loss to their provincial rivals, the Calgary Unstoppables, so they will still be in the dumper.  Third, I started sniffing glue again.

That third point is probably the main reason I’m going with the Roughriders.  Actually, that’s the only reason.  Glue.  Lots of glue.

PICK:  SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS (100% GLUE)

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