The following are my predictions for Week 2 in the CFL. I went 3-1 in week one, making my mom so proud of me she let me have my WWE action figures back (even the Mark Henry with the broken leg).
Hamilton at Winnipeg
Hamilton will still win the East, but this team likes to do things the hard way, so they will limp home after this week 0-2, deserving neither loss. However, in the immortal words of Clint Eastwood, deserves got nothing to do with it. Meanwhile, Winnipeg will build momentum that will enable them to construct the fantasy that they might challenge Calgary for first place in the West. The roof will not begin to fall in until Labour Day, so enjoy it while it lasts, Winnipeg.
Winnipeg over Hamilton
Calgary at Montreal
The Calgary Stampeders clear out of town during the first Stampede weekend, landing in Montreal to bring the twin terrors of a punishing ground game and complete air superiority. What else is there to say? Montreal is on its way to oblivion while this Calgary team thinks it is destined for immortality in November.
Calgary over Montreal
BC at Ottawa
Both these teams are lousy. I was making jokes about Lulay being the amazing glass quarterback, but that doesn’t seem so funny* anymore with four quarterbacks dropping in one week. Hence, I only hope that both quarterbacks here, who seem to be good guys, get out of this game alive. That will have to be victory enough for BC, because Ottawa will start the year on a two-game roll before ending the season 3-15. Normally I would predict a BC victory since Ottawa has no film with which to prepare, but BC is going to be that bad this year.
* My dad has assured me that I’m not funny.
Ottawa over BC
Toronto at Saskatchewan
Chaos in Riderville! As the team is left reeling from the loss of Double-D, players and loyal fans alike will rally around Tim Horton’s franchise owner and perennial bridesmaid Kevin Glenn. Toronto, surprise winners against CFL expansion team the Fort McMurray Imposters, will face the daunting task of trying to win two roads games in a row, the second of which will be played at the most hostile environment in the CFL. Chris Schultz can’t see Saskatchewan losing two in a row, but I can. As a life-long resident of Riderville, there is one thing I know: you will never go broke betting against the Riders, so with every reason to believe the Riders should win (except, of course, the small matter of their starting quarterback being unavailable), you can be sure they will stink Mosaic out. Toronto in a blowout 43-17. (14 Saskatchewan points coming during garbage time in the fourth quarter.) More chaos to follow.
Toronto over Saskatchewan