WEAK CFL PICKS FOR WEEK 9

You can tell that interest in the CFL is on its seasonal upswing again because the TSN comment boards are filling up, mostly with Calgary and Saskatchewan fans bickering amongst one another like drunken siblings at Thanksgiving dinner, punctuated only by the occasional apropos-of-nothing comment from the losers who feel the need to trash the CFL and tell us all how much better the NFL is.  For the sake of my Thanksgiving dinner metaphor, I’ll call these guys the creepy uncles who are out on bail awaiting trial for child molestation charges. They blame Obama.

Seriously guys, if the NFL is so much better than the CFL, why does the NFL have to pay its players so much money to stick around?  Let’s face it, if it wasn’t for the buckets of cash being dropped on Tom Brady’s grotesquely shaped head (if the courtroom drawings are any indication), he’d be over in T.O. unloading bombs at Rogers Centre.

Here are my dumb picks for the coming week of exciting kick-ass Canadian football action.

Montreal Alouettes at BC Lions

As a permanent resident of Riderville, I desperately want the BC Lions to lose so that the date the Roughriders are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs is extended another week.  However, after years of watching often-lousy BC teams inexplicably beat better visiting teams, I have come to the conclusion that the cross-Canada trip required of Eastern teams is usually enough to wear down the visitors and allow BC to win when they really shouldn’t.

Also, Montreal is a crappy team, and will continue to be a crappy team until Crompton returns.  Then they will be a crappy team with Crompton at the helm, but they might make the playoffs.  Crompton’s got that je ne sais quoi!  Until then, yikes!

BC Lions over Montreal Alouettes

Hamilton Tiger-Cats at Edmonton Eskimos

Hamilton is rounding into form right now.  Edmonton, not so much.

Hamilton Tiger-Cats over Edmonton Eskimos

Calgary Stampeders at Saskatchewan Roughriders

Chris Schultz says this will be a “very interesting game to watch”.  Well, it won’t be a very interesting game to eat, that’s for sure.

(By the way, I love the expression on Schultz’s face during the TSN Fantasy Football CFL Edition commercials as Cabbie’s truck pulls up with the big glowing chair.  If you haven’t noticed, watch closely.  Who knew Chris Schultz could emote like that?)

Saskatchewan Roughriders’ Head Coach Corey Chamblin made it through the (good) bye week.  I count that as a win for the Riders.  It will have to suffice for now, since the Roughriders ain’t beating the Calgary Stampeders any time soon. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  You’ll never go broke betting against the Roughriders.  This year, the beatings will continue until moral improves.

Back to the TSN comment boards for just a moment, there are a few hopeless romantics who think the hapless Roughriders will pull out a gutsy win.  I get where you guys are coming from.  Saskatchewan often pulls off preposterous long-shot wins at exactly the time you would think it would be impossible.  However, the Roughriders are terrible this year and the Calgary Stampeders are just starting to recover from their Grey Cup hangover.  It’s just not going to happen.

I hate the Calgary Stampeders just as much as any member of Rider Nation, but these guys are good and they loooooove to beat the Roughriders, so forget it TSN comment board people.  Go back to bitching about the holding penalties or your sarcastic reminders of how many Grey Cups Saskatchewan has won in its 10,000-year history. That never gets old.  Never. Gets. Old.

Calgary Stampeders over Saskatchewan Roughriders

Ottawa Redblacks at Toronto Argonauts

This is a “home” game for the Argonauts, but the way Rogers Centre treats the Argos, I am assuming that the Argos will be asked to play the game in the parking lot.  Now I understand that if the Blue Jays make the playoffs, the Argos will be unceremoniously turfed.

Whatever! says Head Coach Scott “How long before the NFL comes knocking?” Milanovich.  When the Roughriders lose future Plaza of Honour quarterback Darian Durant, the team goes into a death spiral.  When the Argonauts lose future CFL Hall of Famer Ricky Ray and perpetual motion machine Chad Owens, they just keep finding ways to win.  That’s good scouting, management and, most definitely, good coaching.

Whether the Argonauts play this game in Rogers Centre or in Jim Barker’s basement, they’re gonna win.

Toronto Argonauts over Ottawa Redblacks

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