WEAK CFL PICKS FOR WEEK 18

I want to thank Rod Smith of TSN for the shout-out at halftime of Friday Night Football’s Argonaut-Alouette game.  He used the word “discombobulated” in a sentence, which was an obvious reference to this site.

The timing was perfect since, given the enormous traffic our site is now attracting, we will be offering our IPO this Monday with a peak market capitalization of $10 billion after our second quarter earnings on a split-adjusted basis rose 15% on quantum fluctuations due to a rapidly growing user base, platform traction and ad ramp revenue targets.  I am quite confident that last sentence makes no sense.

Anyway, I learned something tonight.  If you make your CFL predictions at half time of the second game of the TSN FNF double-header during the rain-delayed Blue Jays/Royals ALCS game, the likelihood that you will nail your picks goes up exponentially.  Also, too much Cheez Whiz gives me diarrhea.  But I knew that already.

To the picks, Batman!

Montreal Alouettes at (but not really) Toronto Argonauts

This is one of those home-away-from-home games that Rogers forces the Toronto Argonauts to play, seemingly needlessly.  I have to say, the Blue Jays lost tonight because the sports gods had it up to here with Rogers being so nasty to the Argonauts.

On television, this game looks like a scene from one of those post-apocalypse movies set in a dystopian future.  Two zombie football teams mindlessly playing a pointless football game into eternity before empty stands.  You know those movies, right?  Mostly from the early 1970s, but I think the entirely unnecessary Escape from Los Angeles had something like that, set in the Coliseum.

Or it’s just another game at BC Place.

Montreal Alouettes over Toronto Argonauts

Hamilton Tiger-Cats at British Columbia Lions

Speaking of BC Place, the two Canadian feline football teams are playing there tonight.  As I join the game at half-time, I find another one of TSN’s new sideline drones, Dustin Nielson, (what, Farhan was busy?) interviewing Chris Rainey.  I am forced to ask the question everyone in Canada is thinking: how short, exactly, is Rainey?  This is football, right, not the Kentucky Derby?  Wait. Now Dustin is towering over Luke Tasker.  Maybe they need to fly in tiny John Lu to do the west coast interviews.

If I can be serious for a moment (apologies to Lance Storm), Jonathon Jennings might be for real.  Hamilton doesn’t have a quarterback but there is nothing wrong with their defense, and Jennings is carving them up.  I’m still gonna chalk this up to BC’s west coast advantage for now, but Jennings is putting on a show.

British Columbia Lions over Hamilton Tiger-Cats

Ottawa Redblacks at Winnipeg Blue Bombers

It is really difficult to predict who will win this game when they haven’t played it yet.  I want Winnipeg to at least make the playoffs, so I guess I’ll vote for the Blue Bombers.

Winnipeg Blue Bombers over Ottawa Redblacks

Edmonton Eskimos at Saskatchewan Roughriders

Ugh.  Do they have to play this game?

Who am I kidding?  I’m still gonna watch.  It’s the first game of the Roughrider’s 10-year rebuilding program, starting from the GM down.  Is John Herrera available?  I see from Wikipedia that he just might be.

Edmonton Eskimos over Saskatchewan Roughriders

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