Fresh off my bold prediction of a quick first-round exit for the Toronto Blue Jays, which I believe establishes my bona fides as a know-nothing boob in all matters sport, I hereby guarantee that the Saskatchewan Roughriders will not lose this week. In your face, José Bautista!
Having traded away Kevin Glenn, Jerome Messam, half the defensive line and the entire east side stands of Mosaic Stadium, the Roughriders are positioning themselves for another decade-long rebuilding program which will culminate in a blow-out cross-over loss to the expansion Atlantic Schooners in the 2026 CFL playoffs, followed by a couple of embarrassing telethons and the repossession of Mosaic Stadium by the Chinese banks that financed its construction. After that, the Apocalypse.
Just joking. They’re not rebuilding! They’re reloading! Or, at least, they’re relocating.
So okay, on to my dumb picks.
Winnipeg Blue Bomber at Ottawa Redblacks
I vote for Winnipeg just so that the team at least makes the playoffs in this Grey Cup year. Geez, these guys can’t buy a break….
Winnipeg Blue Bombers over Ottawa Redblacks
Calgary Stampeders at Toronto Argonauts
If the Roughriders can’t make the Grey Cup, I’m going with Jerome Messam to make the Grey Cup, so I vote for the Stampeders.
Calgary Stampeders over Toronto Argonauts
British Columbia Lions at Edmonton Eskimos
The BC Lions will not beat the Edmonton Eskimos playing at home. Quit wasting our time.
Edmonton Eskimos over British Columbia Lions
Montreal Alouettes at Hamilton Tiger-Cats
The Alouettes have a new quarterback. The Tiger-Cats do not. However, the Alouette’s new quarterback has a nasty habit of racking up huge numbers but throwing interceptions at just exactly the worst time. Hence, I am going with Hamilton, especially since they are playing at home.
Hamilton Tiger-Cats over Montreal Alouettes