WEAK CFL PICKS FOR WEEK 15

Everybody knows what beer goggles are, right?  Well, there is something called Rider goggles and both Chris Schultz and Jamie Nye are apparently wearing them.  Both gentlemen have decided to pick the Roughriders to win this week.

I understand Jamie Nye’s Rider goggles, but Chris Schultz ought to be ashamed of himself.  Two wins in a row for the Roughriders?  Come on.

Rider goggles are what most members of Rider Nation wear all the time.  These goggles make the Roughriders appear to be much better than they really are, so that things like terrible win-loss records, mid-season coaching/management overhauls and catastrophic player injuries are seen as mere trifles.  Years later, we will all have the benefit of hindsight and some historical perspective.  We will realize that a team with a 2-11 record is just a garden-variety lousy football team and has no chance of making the playoffs.  Right now, however, those Rider goggles are firmly affixed to our faces and we figure the team’s record is just the result of a few bad breaks.  A miracle playoff run, as the season winds down, is more than just a possibility to us, it is expected.

Jamie Nye has Rider goggles.  So does Rod Pedersen.  They are allowed to wear them. They are members of Rider Nation and live on Main Street, Riderville.  Chris Schultz is not and does not.  Bad, Chris Schultz, bad!

Rider goggles also have another strange effect.  When the team is just killing it and dominating the league during those rare seasons or occasional golden eras, Rider Nation is filled with a murderous rage (typically fueled by alcohol) directed at whatever fucking boob happens to be the starting quarterback (dummies like 2007 MOP Kerry Joseph, future Hall of Famer ding-dong Henry Burris, spectacular asshole Kent Austin or perennial all-time jackass Ron Lancaster) or whatever incompetent nitwit was coaching the team (blowhard Bob Shaw, moron John Gregory, 2013 CFL Coach of the Year thank-god-he’s-finally-gone Corey Chamblin or the ultimate mega-jerk, again, Kent Austin).  As they say, even when the Roughriders are winning, they just can’t win.  Rider Nation has no ability whatsoever to rationally evaluate their team.

Now to the picks.

Montreal Alouettes at Ottawa Redblacks

Montreal got beat by the Roughriders last week.  That’s all you need to know about this game and the rest of the Alouette season.

Ottawa Redblacks over Montreal Alouettes

Calgary Stampeders at Hamilton Tiger-Cats

Hamilton does not have a starting quarterback and Calgary does.  A really good one.  That’s all you need to know about this game.

Hamilton will win one more game this season (Saskatchewan) and might win another (British Columbia).  Other than that, their season is toast.  Get well, Zach Collaros.

Calgary Stampeders over Hamilton Tiger-Cats

Edmonton Eskimos at Winnipeg Blue Bombers

Edmonton is a good football team with a starting quarterback.  Winnipeg is not, with no starting quarterback.  That’s all you need to know about this game.

Edmonton Eskimos over Winnipeg Blue Bombers

Saskatchewan Roughriders at British Columbia Lions

As noted above, both Chris Schultz and Jamie Nye are picking the Roughriders to get their third win.  Just like last week, I have to question their sanity.  I realize that the Roughriders won last week, so Chris Schultz’s Week 14 prediction was correct, but as former Texas Governor Rick Perry recently stated, even a broken clock is right once a day.  And yes, I know, a broken clock is typically right twice a day, but that’s Rick for you.

Seriously guys, you think the 2015 edition of the Saskatchewan Roughriders is going to beat the BC Lions in BC Place?  Geez Louise.

One more time:  You’ll never go broke betting against the Saskatchewan Roughriders. (Actually, having given this a little more thought, the only exception to this rule was the 2013 Grey Cup.  That was a lock.)

Incidentally, just so we’re clear, even though I have not picked the Roughriders to win since week 3, and all I ever write about them is negative, I still have my Grey Cup trip booked, my Grey Cup ticket bought, and I fully expect them to be in that game (and win it).  Nevertheless…

British Columbia Lions over Saskatchewan Roughriders

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