OTTAWA at EDMONTON RECAP!

I have to say I like Thursday Night Football. It reminds me of Monday Night Football except it feels like Wednesday on a Tuesday evening.

Having expressed confusion over who Bleed America was last week, I now understand that each Thursday Night Football will feature a different new Canadian Band. The Royal Foundry is on tap tonight. Good song. I detect a Tom Petty influence, or outright copyright infringement (I can’t tell the difference; let’s get Climie on this, pronto!). Looking at the picture of this husband and wife duo on TSN.ca, the guy, Jared, appears to be a combination of Russian Tsar Nicholas II and an out-of-shape Luke Harper. I, myself, am an out-of-shape King Kong Bundy.

Speaking of looking like other people, Edmonton Coach Rick Campbell looks vaguely—very vaguely—like Michael Keaton. Matt Nichols, without the goatee, kinda looks like The Sports Guy Bill Simmons. Ottawa centre Jon Gott looks like, of course, Chewbacca. An angry Chewbacca. Verrrry angry. Step away from the Wookie.

It appears that the Edmonton Eskimos have used their week off to develop a West Coast Flag offense, based upon drawing pass interference penalties. Very clever but, given the rule changes, probably inevitable. I’m sure everyone will be copying it by mid-season.

This is turning into a calamity.

This has turned into a calamity.

Zack Evans is a calamity. A rumbling, rolling, out-of-control cement truck calamity. Ottawa has eschewed the penalty-based offense in favour of a Zack Evans-based offense. Hey, whatever works.

Rod Black says he felt the Earth move. What are those two doing up in the booth, anyway? Last week Rod called Duane “the enemy of meat,” and now it sounds like they’re falling in love.

Okay, back to the Eskimo penalty-based offense. Let this be a lesson to the rest of the league. Just chuck it down the field, watch the flags fly and the yardage pile up.  It looks like the CFL has invented a new version of Flag Football.

Listening to Rod Smith and the guys analyse the game at half, I’ve decided that Jock Climie is the hatchet man of TSN. The other guys will focus on what teams are doing well and perhaps dance around some of the things they are doing wrong, but Climie takes out the lumber (if I may mix my metaphors) and starts swinging. I’m not saying he’s wrong when he points out how bad Burris is playing, but geez, there are children watching. Ease up, buddy.

Someone once said that three things can happen when you pass the ball, and two of them are bad.* With these new rules, I’d say there’s definitely another thing that can happen, and on the good/bad dichotomy, it’s all tied up now at 2-2.

Okay, this was the Ottawa and Hank Burris we all know and love. Boys, you got about one week to regroup and try again.

*Hitler, Nuremberg, 1938

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