CFL WESTERN FINAL 2015 PREDICTION!

I am not sure what the CFL is trying to tell us when every second commercial during the playoffs seems to be a Cialis commercial.  I choose to assume they know their audience is filled with finely tuned sex machines who want to improve their bedroom performance beyond the already inhumanly high levels of partner satisfaction.  Yes.  That’s what I choose to assume.

So anyway, this is my prediction.  Edmonton will be moving on to the 2015 Winnipeg Grey Cup.  Here’s why I know.

First, I’ll explain the reasons Calgary might win (aside from the fact that the Stampeders are a better team than the Eskimos), starting with the weather. When it’s nice, Calgary wins.

In 2010 and 2013, it was brutally cold and the Stampeders were shattered by the cold-weather-designed and prepared Saskatchewan Roughriders.  The 2012 and 2014 playoffs were played in relatively pleasant weather, and the Stampeders prevailed. I remember a pleasant walk home after the 2012 Western Semifinal fiasco at McMahon Stadium when a back-up quarterback with a broken throwing arm tossed a last second long-bomb touchdown on a pump-fake that would normally not have fooled a baby.  I have never heard McMahon so loud than on that play.  In fact, as soon as the Riders scored to take the lead with about a minute and a half left, I knew they had scored too soon.  The rest of the game unfolded in front of me in slow motion.  I remember thinking …ugh… never mind.  Why do I do this to myself?

Anyway, it’s going to above zero in Edmonton for the 2015 Western Final.  That favours Calgary.

Something else that favours the Calgary Stampeders is that the Edmonton Eskimos are not the Saskatchewan Roughriders.

The 2009, 2010 and 2013 playoffs demonstrated that this Stampeder team cannot beat the Saskatchewan Roughriders in the playoffs.  You might point out that the Stampeders beat the Roughriders in the aforementioned 2012 Western Semifinal.  However, as I said, that was when a back-up quarterback with a broken throwing arm tossed a last second long-bomb touchdown on a pump-fake that normally would not have fooled a baby.  A total fluke.  Nine times out of ten the Stampeders would have succumbed to yet another masterful Darian Durant fourth-quarter come-from-behind playoff performance. That year, however, was a year of destiny for the Stampeders.  It was fate, and you can’t fight the football gods.  And it was a nice day.

So why do I know the Edmonton Eskimos will win?  I’ll explain.

Like I said above, Calgary is a better team, but Edmonton wants it more.  Edmonton possesses the best defensive front line in the league that has the potential to pull Bo Levi Mitchell apart like warm bread and stuff the run like warm bread bungs up my gastrointestinal system.  However, Calgary’s coaching staff is second to none and the entire team is battle-harden by brutal playoff games against the Saskatchewan Roughriders over the last seven years.  They have had enough time to put together a game plan that will reduce Edmonton’s punching power on the defensive line.  This plan will start with Jerome Messam, but it will also involve quick passes and crazy draw plays and other strategies that this well-coached and highly skilled offensive unit can pull off under playoff pressure.

Having said all of this, these above points more or less cancel each other out.  The difference-maker will be Calgary’s depleted offensive line and the injury to Jon Cornish.  Arguably, Calgary might have been able to pull off a playoff miracle against the Saskatchewan Roughriders in 2013, but they took several nasty end-of-the-regular-season injuries that removed two or three important starters. To get to the Grey Cup, you need your team firing on all cylinders.  Calgary’s Achilles heel this year is its weakened offensive line, and matched against the beasts lining up across from them, they will not prevail. Jerome Messan is an excellent replacement for Cornish, but he’s a different type of runner, and you need your best players being the best players during the playoffs, not the best players that played for a different team most of the year.  Even if Cornish plays, he’s rusty.

Sorry Calgary. Edmonton Eskimos win.

And, before I stop typing, I should give the Evil Empire some credit.  The Edmonton Eskimos only lost four games this year, so they’re pretty good, especially at home in the all-round nicest home stadium in this league we call the CFL.

Who will the Edmonton Eskimos be playing at the 2015 Winnipeg Grey Cup?

I predict either Hamilton or Ottawa.  I’m good either way. As long as I have handful of Cialis, I’m happy.

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