CROSSBAR II: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Today at Mosaic Stadium in sunny Regina, the Saskatchewan Roughriders completed the first of two demoralizing, joyless and inexplicable back-to-back losses to the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, predicted here at Discombobulated.  All is not lost for the Roughriders, however, since they remain the second best team in the CFL and they will win plenty of games this truncated season.  Unfortunately, unless Zach “Zack” Collaros gets concussed again, the West Division road to the Grey Cup leads through Winnipeg and the Roughriders are too good this year to end up in a crossover playoff position out east.

Shame on Jamie Nye over at cfl.ca who, as a long time fellow member of Rider Nation, predicted a Roughriders win but should have known the Roughriders will always shit the bed at exactly the last moment you would expect it.

Actually, the Roughriders did not really shit the bed so much as their offense was simply not up to the task today.  Quarterback Cody Fajardo couldn’t huck the ball accurately for longer than five yards and the Roughriders’ running game remains a rumour at best. Credit goes to a pretty good Winnipeg defense, and our old friend Mr. Crossbar decided to show up again just for old times’ sake. Earlier, at the half, I thought the Roughriders might sneak out a victory via dumb luck and a tough defense of their own, but damn, two guys had other ideas.

Andrew Harris said there is “nothing better than shutting up 30,000 fans” but, Mr. Harris, have you ever had a steak at The Cottage in Regina?  What’s that?  No?  Then maybe you don’t know what you’re talking about.  Speaking of Mr. Harris, I feel it is incumbent upon me to point out that Andrew Harris is actually none other than Jon Cornish, who decided to try to extend his career by gluing a cheap wig on his head and switching teams.

CFL Hall of Fame's Jon Cornish on racism, growing up Black and building  communities | Globalnews.ca
Jon Cornish back when he played for the Calgary Stampeders
Harris, Andrew | CFLPA.com
Jon Cornish wearing a cheap wig and masquerading as some guy named “Andrew Harris”; nice try, pal

Now a brief word about Zach “Zack” Collaros.  This guy continues to do absolutely nothing, ever, except win. Has anyone noticed that Mr. Collaros bears to striking resemblance to John Rambo?

Zach “Zack” Collaros modelling his snazzy new bandana
Sylvester Stallone Got A Cool Early Birthday Surprise And It Involves Rambo  - CINEMABLEND
John Rambo, looking none too pleased
Sylvester Stallone to Produce 'Rambo' TV Series
Zach “Zack” Collaros pictured here mowing down the Saskatchewan Roughriders’ secondary

After the football game, I joined Star Wars: The Force Awakens, over on Show Case.  For those who don’t know, The Force Awakens was the passable but milquetoast and painfully derivative first of three movies that began Star Wars’s sad and final descent into full crud.  We all thought the prequel Star Wars trilogy had its problems, and then Disney said “Hold my beer.” 

Anyway, in The Force Awakens, we meet FN-2187, or Finn, as he is renamed, who desserts the First Order’s stormtroopers because he didn’t have the guts to commit war crimes.  What a pussy. The thing is, Finn was originally trained as a stormtrooper, who are, as a rule, largely incompetent and the worst shots in the galaxy.  Yet as soon as Finn stopped being a stormtrooper, he turned into an absolute crack shot.  This has lead me to the conclusion that stormtroopers themselves are not bad shots.  The problem is they have to wear those stupid helmets, which makes it impossible to see anything, and therefore, makes it impossible to shoot anything.  I would understand them wearing the helmet and armour if it provided any protection, but as we all know, it provides zero protection.  They might as well fight in a loin cloth.    

So, in conclusion, you can tell that I’m really broken up about this Roughriders loss. As the Germans say, you can’t win ’em all.

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