Darrell Davis of Regina’s 980 CJME writes that the Saskatchewan Roughriders are the CFL’s dumpster fire. Well, duh! They are always the CFL’s dumpster fire, it’s just a matter of how bad. And that’s why we love them (the Roughriders and dumpster fires).
The Mighty and Most Holy “Staff” at CFL.CA has decreed its Nissan Titan Power Rankings for week four in the Canadian Football League. Rejoice!
- CALGARY STAMPEDERS
Nothing to see here. Presumably the beatings will continue until further notice. Move along.
- EDMONTON ESKIMOS
Why are the Eskimos still ranked number two? Because they beat the British Columbia Lions? That’s like beating the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Well, okay, not that bad, but still.
- HAMILTON TIGER-CATS
If the Hamilton Tiger-Cats don’t beat the doleful and moribund Saskatchewan Roughriders this week, they will drop in the Nissan Titan Power Rankings. If the Hamilton Tiger-Cats do beat the doleful and moribund Saskatchewan Roughriders this week, they will still drop in the Nissan Titan Power Rankings. That’s what it has come to.
- OTTAWA REDBLACKS
I have nothing to say! Nothing!
- WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS
Rookie quarterback Chris Streveler cooled off a bit last week, which is to be expected once other teams get some film. He still looks like he could have a future in the CFL, as long as he doesn’t get traded to Saskatchewan. That place seems to be a graveyard for “high upside” quarterbacks.
Matt Nichols has apparently been named the starter for this week’s game against the British Columbia Lions. The Blue Bastard from “Parts Unknown” is still taking the Lions, and that’s probably the correct call.
- BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS
It’s a measure of how bad the Saskatchewan Roughriders are that the British Columbia Lions lose and still move up to replace the Roughriders at number six in the CFL Nissan Titan Power Rankings.
- TORONTO ARGONAUTS
It’s a measure of how bad the Saskatchewan Roughriders are that the Toronto Argonauts, the only team the Roughriders have beaten, are still ranked two places higher than the Roughriders.
- MONTREAL ALOUETTES
It is a measure of how bad the Saskatchewan Roughriders are that the Montreal Alouettes are still ranked behind the Toronto Argonauts even though the Argonauts have not won a game this year. Beating Saskatchewan is not regarded as any kind of achievement.
- SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS
The Mighty Staff over at CFL.CA always overreacts to weekly developments so they immediately placed the Roughriders at the bottom of the CFL Nissan Titan Power Rankings. Mr. Cullen over at TSN.CA, who takes his damned time issuing his Power Rankings, typically adopts more of a long view. I’ll wait for where he ranks the Roughriders before– wait, Mr. Cullen dropped the Roughriders to the bottom, too?
Okay, it’s official: if you can’t beat the worst team in the CFL, you are the worst team in the CFL. The doleful and moribund Roughriders are the worst team in the CFL.
Until proven otherwise, they belong at the bottom of any Power Rankings of anything, anywhere.
I asked my Magic 8-Ball if the Roughriders would win this week. Answer: “Outlook not so good.” Nice try, Magic 8-Ball, but that’s the correct answer every time the Roughriders play (except 2013). That’s the last time I ask you anything, stupid Magic 8-Ball.
Saskatchewan Roughriders Head Coach, General Manager, Vice-President of Football Operations, and guy who must be getting sick of being asked about Duron Carter, Chris Jones, has to be given full credit for steadfastly ignoring everyone telling him to put Duron Carter back on offense. Or given no credit whatsoever. I don’t know.
I don’t like the decision, but I like the steely confidence. I predict another pic-six for Mr. Carter tonight.
I still haven’t decided if this 1-2 start is just how Chris Jones-coached Roughrider teams are going to start every season, or if this team is just bad. Once again, you look at this roster and think that it’s pretty stacked, yet they play like the Cleveland Browns.
Apologies to the Cleveland Browns.