I don’t participate in CFL Pick ‘Em since I view gambling as a sin.  I stick to cock fighting and celebrity dead pools (thank you, Jerry Lewis). However, I do make reckless predictions about CFL games based upon nothing.  Literally nothing.

Let’s go!

WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS at MONTREAL ALOUETTES

Jamie Nye and the rest of the writers over at cfl.ca all pick the Blue Bombers.  At tsn.ca, the entire Canadian Press, which I believe includes hundreds of people, also picks the Blue Bombers.  No word on what the Associated Press and Reuters has to say, but I will put them down as pro-Blue Bombers unless I hear otherwise from them.

Faced with such overwhelming support for the Blue Bombers, I will also predict Blue Bombers.  I am sure that this is a huge relief to everyone involved.  However, I smell a Bomber collapse coming soon.  I just do not trust this team. If it weren’t for the not inconsequential fact that the Alouettes are lousy, I would go for an upset here, being the ignorant contrarian that I am.

However, there was the small matter of the Montreal victory over Calgary a few weeks ago, so… hmmm….

Naw!

PICK: WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS (2% Milk)

SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS at EDMONTON ESKIMOS

I’ll be at this game.  If you see me, stay away.  I’ll be jacked up on Mountain Dew and Crystal Meth.

This week John Chick arrived in Edmonton and we had that footage of Odell Willis with that a big grin on his face (the man can smile).  It might be justified, but it’s difficult to know.

Mr. Chick may be slowing down, or his performance so far this season may have been the result of some kind of contagious mass lethargy/incompetence that overcame the Hamilton Tiger-Cats.  I believe Mr. Chick is generally well-liked and respected throughout the league and seems like a really good guy.  For his sake, I hope this change of scenery results in a resurgence to previous form.  However, as a member of Rider Nation, I hope Mr. Chick has entered the “Bobby Jurasin playing for the Toronto Argonauts” phase of his career, at least for Friday night’s game.

What is more worrisome, for me at least, is that a bunch of formerly injured Eskimos are apparently returning.  Obviously, I hope that this is merely optimistic speculation and these players will take an extra week to get better (for the sake of their own health, of course).  However, if they are returning, I am hoping that these Eskimos will perform as well as the then-recently returned Jonathon Jennings did two weeks ago.

Hoping that formerly injured players will not play well is the level to which I am forced to stoop given the kind of year it has been for the Roughriders.

I predict this game will be a blow out, one way or another.  Either we will be hearing or reading the phrase “Roughriders prove they are for real” over and over, or we will be hearing and reading “Roughriders still have plenty of work to do” over and over. I pick the latter over the former.

I think the Roughriders are still in the one-step-forward-two-steps-back phase of a doomed rebuilding program.  Hence, I must go with the Evil Empire on this one.  I don’t like it, but until proven otherwise, I must stay with my mantra:  You’ll never go broke betting against the Roughriders.

By the way, Mr. Willis’s Wikipedia page still has a picture of him in a Roughrider uniform in the Lancaster-era throw-back jersey.  It looks like a picture from 1976. This causes me to doubt whether Wikipedia is an entirely reliable source of information.

PICK:  EDMONTON ESKIMOS (5% alcohol content by volume)

BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS at OTTAWA REDBLACKS

Jamie Nye over at cfl.ca thinks that “something seems off in BC” and he predicts an Ottawa victory.  However, Mr. Nye is not considering one small detail: the RedBlacks are lousy.  I believe that if Mr. Nye had included that factor in his careful deliberations, he would have come to a different conclusion.

My opinion seems to be in the minority, if the poll of cfl.ca writers is considered. However, the more sensible fellows in the Canadian Press at tsn.ca are going with the Lions.  Remember, the Canadian Press has been around since 1917 (according to Wikipedia), so they must know what they are talking about.

PICK: BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS (10% off with coupon)

TORONTO ARGONAUTS at CALGARY STAMPEDERS

Why are they even playing this game?  Why risk an injury to Ricky Ray?  The Argonauts have no chance whatsoever.  Just forfeit, hit a few Calgary bars and call it a night. I recommend stops at Cowboys and The Palomino Smokehouse, and then end the evening at Ducky’s Pub.

If the Argonauts insist upon playing this game, for god sake keep Mr. Ray out of it.  If they feel they must play Mr. Ray out of some preposterous and misplaced obligation to the league or their fans, they should do the old Rodney Dangerfield “Oh my arm! It’s broken!” routine from Caddyshack.  If Charleston Hughes even breathes on Mr. Ray, Mr. Ray should just crumple like he’s been shot and roll around on the ground like a soccer player. He looks like a soccer player, so he might as well act like one. And like a mortally injured soccer player, he can just pop right up next week like nothing happened and beat the shit out of the hapless Hamilton Tiger-Cats.

PICK:  CALGARY STAMPEDERS (110% effort)