Following fines of $15,000, $60,000 and $5,000 over the last two weeks, the Canadian Football League this week fined the Saskatchewan Roughriders a further $10,000 for getting fined so much by the league.
When asked how he felt about all the recent fines, Roughrider President and CEO Craig Reynolds replied, “Fine”. He then leaned back in his chair, took a long swig from the bottle of Goût de Diamants he was holding, lit a cigar with a one thousand dollar bill and told Taylor Swift to sing “Shake If Off” one more time.
Team sources have told Discombobulated that the fines will be paid from revenue from the new line of Roughrider nose hair clippers that just arrived.
“They sold out in ten minutes,” said Rider Store Manager Donald Trump (no relation to Republican presidential hopeful Donald J. Trump). “We’ll be able to pay the fines and buy a new team jet with the money that just rolled in.”
In an unrelated story, Roughrider General Manager and Head Coach Chris Jones announced that the team has managed to purchase the entire starting lineup of the Green Bay Packers and placed them on the Riders’ practice squad. When asked if this might violate league rules in both the NFL and the CFL and invite further fines, Jones ignored the question and wandered away.