CFL NISSAN TITAN POWER RANKINGS JULY 5: WINNIPEG STILL SUCKS

The “staff” over at CFL.CA continue their domination of TSN’s Scott Cullen with eminently more sensible “Power Rankings”.  I’m not sure what games Mr. Cullen has been watching.  Maybe the random repeats of last year’s CFL games that TSN started showing in the lead-up to the 2016 season.

By the way, why does TSN have five channels if four of them play the same thing and the fifth just airs endless reruns of the last Sportscentre?  And did you know that each channel plays different commercials even if the show is the same?  That’s weird.

  1. OTTAWA REDBLACKS

I’m still waiting for these guys to casually implode like the 1977 Saskatchewan Roughriders, but that Harris guy is ruining my predictions of doom.  Mr. Burris played his part by getting injured, but I did not anticipate Mr. Harris’ success.

I always thought Larry Dick was Lancaster’s backup in 1977 but it appears it was Mike Nott.  (You all remember Mike Nott.)  This got me started looking into the carousel of back-up quarterbacks during the Lancaster era.  It’s a who’s-who of nobodies.  Talk about putting all of your eggs in one basket.  The team obviously didn’t worry too much about Lancaster getting hurt.  Or retiring. Thankfully, it didn’t end up causing any real problems after Lancaster was done playing.  The team just picked up the Antichrist Tom Clements and the rest was history.

Anyway, I can’t talk about any CFL teams without immediately segueing back to the Roughriders, so that’s all I’ll say about the Redblacks.  Which was nothing.

However, I will say that Mr. Cullen over at TSN ought to have his head examined for slotting the Calgary Stampeders in at number one.  They beat Winnipeg last week.  Winnipeg; as in no-Weston-Dressler-Winnipeg.  That Winnipeg.  The Blue Bombers are seven games away from a house-cleaning and a new rebuilding program.

If all you have to do is beat Winnipeg to vault into first, then I guess Hamilton will be next week’s number one.

  1. EDMONTON ESKIMOS

Yeah, sure, number two is about right for the Grey Cup Champs.  Edmonton will beat the Roughriders this Friday because the Riders rarely show up for games at Commonwealth.  Hence, unless Ottawa inexplicably loses to Calgary at home this week, thus confirming that Mr. Cullen might know what he’s talking about (he doesn’t), Edmonton will be at the number two spot again next week.

I will be at the Edmonton game, watching the Roughriders gets dismantled, thus sending me into a shame spiral and throwing Rider Nation into turmoil.  I pity the radio call-in show hosts.  It’s gonna be a long night.

  1. CALGARY STAMPEDERS

Again, Calgary beat the Winnipeg Blue Bombers last week.  You know, the team that has missed the playoffs for six of the last seven seasons.  Why are the Stamps rated higher than the undefeated British Columbia Lions, who laid a whupping on a quality Hamilton Tiger-Cat team last week?  That’s a rhetorical question.  Here’s my rhetorical answer:  there’s no such thing as a rhetorical answer.  Why not, you ask?  Because the Calgary Stampeders are getting a pass so far this year based upon their previous success.

  1. BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS

Look, I don’t understand how the British Columbia Lions managed to win twice already, so I’m not any more happy about this team than anyone else outside of British Columbia.  However, just because we all know the Lions Suck doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t let them have their fun at the top of the Power Ranks for a few weeks before they slide into oblivion.  Ranking them fourth is just mean.  I picture a morose Wally Buono sitting in a darkened room with a tear trickling down his cheek.

  1. TORONTO ARGONAUTS

Okay, so I though the Argos were better than they have shown so far this season.  Even their victory over the Roughriders needs to have an asterix because two dumb plays made the difference:  the blown coverage and the “scoop ‘n’ score”.  Otherwise, that game easily goes the Riders’ way.  I’m just sayin’.

Two observations.  First, Ricky Foley is very well-spoken and seems like he’d be a very good guy in the locker room.  Second, my spell-check does not recognize the word “asterix”.

  1. HAMILTON TIGER-CATS

They shit the bed last week, so this is where they belong.  Number six is bed-shitting position.

I’ll say one thing. Coach Jones is probably regretting the whole John Chick thing right now.

  1. MONTREAL ALOUETTES

My spell-check does not recognize “Allouettes”.  Anyway, not a big fan of this team.  They’ll stick at 7th for another week because of the two losers below them in the rankings.

  1. SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS

No argument here.  Their ascent to the top of the league will begin at Labour Day, but for now, they will continue to roll around in the muck. One word of advice:  use more Steele.  That’s three words of advice.

Another reason I think the Roughriders will do well at the end of the season is their size.  This is an enormous team.  The wear and tear of 18 games takes its toll on smaller players.  These guys, not so much.

  1. WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS

Wrap it up, Winnipeg; season’s over.  On paper, it might look like the team improved over the off season.  On paper, communism seemed like a good idea, too. Actually, I read the Communist Manifesto and no, it did not seem like a good idea, even on paper.  First of all, I think it was written in German.  Second, I don’t understand German, so it was all just gibberish.  German is no way to run a country.  Just ask Hitler.

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