The Toronto Argonauts cut their entire starting lineup this week, except for quarterback Drew Willy, who will be throwing to a bunch of high school kids Coach Milanovich caught dumping garbage on his front lawn.
It looks like the Argos took a page from Roughrider Head Coach Chris Jones’ playbook, except Coach Jones cut his entire starting lineup before the season began.
It was my bye week last week, so this is Discombobulated’s first post in a while. I spent the week off studying film. And eating. Mostly eating. Just eating.
On to this week’s review of the CFL Nissan Titan Power Rankings, as presented by the “Staff” at CFL.CA. Has TSN.CA given up on the CFL? No Power Rankings; no predictions. Chris Schultz has disappeared. If you google Mr. Schultz, you get pictures of a bunch of random Chris Schultzs on the first page of the google search results. At least it’s not a mugshot like Scott Milanovich had to put up with for a while. Maybe Mr. Schultz’s contract is up for renewal this year and TSN is burying him like the WWE does to its wrestlers when they’re about to depart for Japan or TNA.
- CALGARY STAMPEDERS
I, for one, welcome our new football overlords. (No I don’t.)
I thought the football gods might punish the Stampeders for the hubris quarterback Bo Levi Mitchell showed during his half-time comments about Winnipeg a few weeks ago. It looks like even the gods are powerless to stop this remorseless red tide.
Is Jerome Messam actually getting larger as the season progresses?
Anyway, the Calgary Stampeder 2016 Grey Cup Championship Season Tour finds the Stamps in Toronto this week to pound the crap out of the Toronto Marlies.
- BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS
I’m sure the British Columbia Lions would bristle after reading the above, if any members of that organization were aware that this blog existed.
It looks like the Lions picked the wrong year to field a pretty good team. Most other years, they would be able to make it out of the West, but not with the Calgary Stampeders standing there.
- WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS
The Blue Bombers commenced their 2016 season nosedive about two weeks ago. A good old fashion beat down awaits in the Western Semi-Final in Vancouver.
If these guys had any brains at all, they would tank the rest of the season and cross over to the East, just like Jock Climie was advocating, but when they were handing out brains the Winnipeg Blue Bombers thought they said illegal aliens and… wait, that’s a line from Aliens.
- OTTAWA REDBLACKS
Here’s the deal. If the Ottawa RedBlacks beat the Saskatchewan Roughriders this week, then Ottawa might be for real. If they don’t, then we are looking at an all-Alberta Grey Cup. Book it!
- EDMONTON ESKIMOS
So, does anyone else see the aforementioned all-Alberta Grey Cup shaping up? That’ll put butts in the seats in ole’ Hog Town this November. I’m sure the bigwigs at CFL Head Office are just delighted how the season is shaping up. I’ll bet CFL Commissioner and infant hand model Jeffrey Orridge is emailing his résumé to Major League Soccer as we speak: “I know less about soccer than I do about Canadian football, but I won’t say anything stupid and I’ll fine the shit out of any team that even looks at me funny. My biggest weakness is I care too much.”
The Calgary Stampeders are a foregone Grey Cup conclusion, but the Grey Cup Champion Edmonton Eskimos look like they’ve decided to sneak in the back door.
- MONTREAL ALOUETTES
Oh come on! The Alouettes win one game and they leap to sixth place? What kind of rinky-dink operation are you running here, CFL.CA?
- HAMILTON TIGER-CATS
Oh come on! The Tiger-Cats lose a few players to injury and they drop to seventh pl–wait, who’s injured? Oh, okay, yeah, I get this now.
Coach Kent Austin might be a football genius who beats up referees for fun, but even he can’t do anything about this disaster. It looks like the Tiger-Cats might be replaced by the Ottawa RedBlacks as the CFL equivalent of the Minnesota Vikings and/or Buffalo Bills.
Zack Collaros has an upper body injury. That’s what I told my boss when he called to ask me why I didn’t come in to work on Monday. Former boss.
- TORONTO ARGONAUTS
Hello next year. I see you already met my friend, the Saskatchewan Roughriders.
- SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS
Ah, home sweet home, back in ninth place. We barely had time to miss you.
I don’t mean to quibble, but the Saskatchewan Roughriders are on a two-game winning streak, only two wins behind the Toronto Argonauts, who are on a three-game losing streak and just got clobbered by the lowly Montreal Alouettes, so may I respectfully suggest that Toronto might be a better fit for last place in this week’s Nissan Titan Power Rankings? Granted, this is all very academic at this point, but how, kind sirs, are we to protect the integrity of this important rating system when such glaring errors are allowed to stand?
A Power Ranking system should not be judged by how it treats its best teams, but its worst teams. I believe Nelson Rockefeller said that; or one of the Nelsons. Mandela. Lord Nelson. Tracy Nelson. Whatever. Just get it right next time, “Staff” at CFL.CA.