Yikes. That escalated quickly. It looks like TSN’s Gary Lawless went full Jerry Lawler on some guy calling himself “The Dude” in a Twitter exchange that seems to have started the same way the First World War started. The lesson here is clear: do not assassinate any archdukes and more importantly, do NOT piss Gary Lawless off. That jovial smile in his online picture appears to be a ruse! Kaiser Wilhelm II would be proud. Or Donald Trump.
And on a completely unrelated note, I would just like to say that I think Mr. Lawless is a tremendous reporter and all-around quality human being. Please continue not being aware of this blog, sir.
On to this week’s CFL Power Rankings.
- CALGARY STAMPEDERS
As I predicted, the Stampeders beat the Roughriders last week, but I must admit that I was surprised that it was not a rout. I love the Roughriders but it appears that this team is more like the first year expansion RedBlacks, given that Coach Jones decided to basically start from scratch. I thought the Roughriders would be better faster, but it shows that you cannot simply throw together a bunch of good football players and expect instant success. It also shows that I don’t know what I’m talking about, so I’ve got that going for me.
Anyway, the Calgary Stampeders stay atop the league, as they should, and we must all concede that Scott Cullen was right about this team from the beginning. I still maintain that the Calgary Stampeders are boring, but I’ve also got to hand it to Bo Levi Mitchell for stirring the pot with his Twitter feed. However, while I think he had a point and I don’t think he was wrong, may I respectfully suggest that nobody likes a tattle-tail. I’m just sayin’.
- OTTAWA REDBLACKS
Our first controversy of the day, as between the “staff” at CFL.CA and Mr. Cullen over at TSN.CA. Mr. Cullen correctly named the BC Lions as the number two team in the league, and those terrible people over at CFL.CA have named the aforementioned RedBlacks as number two. Ah “staff”, do you ever get tired of being wrong?
Quarterback Henry Burris reportedly stated “I stand by what I said.”, but admitted that he couldn’t remember what he had said, demanded to know who took his “pills” and then he started yelling at some kids to “get off my damn lawn!”
This stuff never gets old. Unlike a certain quarterback that shall remain nameless named Henry Burris.
Ay yes, this is a quality blog.
- BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS
The Clash of the (Nissan) Titans this week with the Lions and Stampeders about to do battle to decide CFL mid-season Power Ranking supremacy. The Stampeders and Lions should be ranked number one and two, respectively, but, as always, the “staff” over at CFL.CA have to ruin everything. Boo “staff”!
- WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS
I don’t like this; not one bit.
- EDMONTON ESKIMOS
Hmm. Somehow one coach has managed to simultaneously wreck two football teams.
Anyway, I don’t want to make a big deal about this, but the Eskimos did beat the RedBlacks last week. That’s got to be worth something, right? Oh… no? It’s not worth anything. Okay, never mind.
- HAMILTON TIGER-CATS
It’s just a matter of time before Hamilton assumes first in the East and rises into the top two or three of the Power Rankings. They get to take the week off this week with a game against the Roughriders. Watch Collaros light it up. He is exactly the kind of quarterback who can make the Rider defense look silly on the inevitable breakdowns that occur two or three times a game.
- TORONTO ARGONAUTS
Since every other article in Canada has mentioned that Logan Kilgore threw five interceptions last week, I guess I would be remiss if I did not remind everyone that Logan Kilgore threw five interceptions last week. You’re welcome, parents of Logan Kilgore.
- MONTREAL ALOUETTES
I see the Alouettes are back on track to oblivion. When the team folds later this year and the players are disbursed to the rest of the league, the Roughriders need to grab Nik Lewis. If they can find a pair of pants that are large enough, he’ll fit right into the Riders’ lineup.
- SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS
“Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.” — Saskatchewan Roughriders General Manager and Head Coach Dark Helmet.
I’m not sure what to think about the way the team seems to have turned to the dark side.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to Wascana Lake.”
–Yoda
Here’s how I look at it. If you are going to break the rules, shrug off multiple fines, ignore the media, dance all over midfield logos, bitch out opposing head coaches, skulk around in gangster sunglasses and generally behave like remorseless badasses, at least win. Otherwise, it’s no fun.
If you start to win, Rider Nation will be all over it. We’re crazy.